Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
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