i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Randomize
