This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
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