if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
