When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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