i love accidental penises.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
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