I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
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