At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
