I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Randomize
