Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
