i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I faked an abortion last night.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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