Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
and i looked up. we had an audience...
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
