we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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