Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Randomize
