Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
