My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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