He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
