I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
