i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Randomize
