i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
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