I accidentally burped into my bong.
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Randomize
