I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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