it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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