nut hugger
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
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