ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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