My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
You dont lie about slip and slides
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Randomize
