but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Randomize
