I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
