WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
ttyl tear gas
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Randomize
