i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
