They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize
