she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
