Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
