did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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