my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
You need a sexual gate keeper
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Randomize
