Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
