The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
