So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
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