My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
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