so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
