Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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