we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
