His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
