you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I need a burrito and a hug.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
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