I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
