Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Moan for me like Helen Keller
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Randomize
