i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
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