the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Randomize
