Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
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