I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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