I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
