oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Oh god it's open bar.
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