dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
You need a sexual gate keeper
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
did i just pee glitter
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Randomize
