people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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