Old men and throwing up are my life now.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Randomize
