i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
