So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Randomize
