Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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