true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
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