We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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